Personalities are pretty fixed, so instead of complaining or trying to change each other, our personality differences should be seen as strengths.
Usually, we are attracted to each other because we seem to be alike, sharing interests, values, and backgrounds. However, the reverse is often true when it comes to personality. It is quite unusual for married couples to have similar personality types.
There are plenty of examples—an introvert married to a party animal, a meticulous planner married to someone who is disorganized and last-minute.
There is a good reason why people subconsciously seek out partners with a different personality from their own. This mix in personalities makes couples stronger. Each partner sees the world from a different perspective, and combining these viewpoints can lead to better decisions. Just like in workplaces, where teams function better with a mix of different personalities—aggressive risk-takers balancing their more cautious colleagues, or detail-oriented people being kept on track by big thinkers—marriages also benefit from a diversity of personality traits.
However, if not properly handled, personality differences can lead to endless conflicts in an intimate relationship. A fastidiously tidy person may feel frustrated when their laid-back partner creates a mess, while the laid-back partner complains about the other’s inability to relax and let go.
Resolving personality clashes is a daunting task, especially when it feels like your partner’s behavior is deliberate. We tend to assume that other people’s actions are intentional while excusing our own based on circumstances. For example, if someone fails an exam, we might think it’s because they are lazy and didn’t study, but if we fail, we blame it on the teacher not covering the right topics.
How Couples Can Stop Conflicts About Personality Issues
The key step is recognizing that personalities are largely fixed, so there is no need to try to change them. Instead, couples should see their differences as strengths. Disagreements often arise because partners view situations differently, not necessarily because one is trying to be difficult.
It is also helpful to find alternative ways to get things done rather than starting arguments. If you want your partner to join you in an activity you enjoy, gently steer them away from things you dislike by offering alternative options. Chances are, they will happily choose one of the suggestions, even if their favorite option wasn’t included.
Just as asking people if they plan to vote increases the likelihood that they will, lightly asking your partner if they will complete a chore over the weekend increases the chances of them doing it.
Thinking like a team and focusing on understanding each other’s perspective—rather than quarrelling over differences—will help couples grow and avoid conflicts. Every argument should be seen as an opportunity to understand the world through another person’s eyes.
Always resist the impulse to blame. Instead, respect each other’s ideas, listen carefully, and remain open-minded.
By doing this, you’ll build a happy and successful marriage.
!Disclaimer The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of Varsity Space Hub.
